my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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