I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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