went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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