I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
