i was born a porn star she said
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
i think i just lost a toe
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
