it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
