I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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