my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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