I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
