How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I made him laugh his dick is mine
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
