I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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