I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
