why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
