I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
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I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
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but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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