i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
