Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
