Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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