hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
