how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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