um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
