Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
