It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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