Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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