Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
