we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
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