i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
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