I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
