Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
