i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
