If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
