i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
did i just pee glitter
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
