So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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