Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
