How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Randomize