It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
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I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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