remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
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sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
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Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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