i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
