So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
