That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
