so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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