watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
