she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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