I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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