Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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