I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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