Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
