Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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