You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
