booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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