Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
one two three fourrrrnication!
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So vagazzling was a success
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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