i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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