He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
