Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
