God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We have started to decorate penises.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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