just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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