so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
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I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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