I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Can you bring me the toilet please
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
