Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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