she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
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So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
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Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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