We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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