I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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