dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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