I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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