if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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