My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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