mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
