I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
